Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
