how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
