ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
