I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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