she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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