Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
