so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
