Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
