I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
