It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
