My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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