he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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