That's when you crack a 10am beer
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
