So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
