Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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