I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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