Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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