at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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