I just saw a hot homeless man
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
