I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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