I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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