Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
