never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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