I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We are two peas in an std pod
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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