I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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