You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
