my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
