i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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