The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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