I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
