UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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