so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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