I can text with my tongue
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
