Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
