Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
