I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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