i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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