that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Text me some of your sweat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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