i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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