Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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