sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
