no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
