we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
