I just pynch a tree in the face
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
