Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
