I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
not ubering you a puppy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
