Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
