There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
