I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
