yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
