well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
