Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
